Disappointed fans miss out on final round

September 09, 2017

The winners (left to right): Colin McBean, Bradley Allison and Kelly Christensen.

Individual winners were Chad Parker, Helen Flint and Sally Littlewood.

Runners-up (left to right): Zaine Lewin-Hoy, Paul Kennedy and Sally Littlewood.

A victory in the final round rocketed the Hyphens into second position and a place in the final against the Bulldogs.

The Bulldogs, led by club legend Colin ‘The Headband’ McBean, have dominated the season and come into the finals as hot favourites.

No seat was left empty by the massive crowd.

In fact, standing room tickets were advertised on ticket on-selling websites for three times their face value.

This may force the committee to make squash finals in the future ‘‘declared events’’ which automatically makes scalping of tickets illegal.

Angry fans were left outside the courts and forced to watch video streams of the final online.

The match proved to be a non event with the Bulldogs playing a near perfect evening.

Kelly ‘Lady Gaga’ Christensen proved too strong for Sally ‘The Queen’ Littlewood.

Lady Gaga moved The Queen around the court, forcing errors to set up a win for the Doggies.

The Queen looked sore and continually grabbed her hamstring every time she lunged.

Brad ‘The Kid’ Allison then took on Paul ‘The President’ Kennedy.

The Kid was superb, outclassing his more experienced opponent in a brilliant display of squash.

Kennedy struggled to keep up with the pace of the game and repeatedly made costly errors.

With the first two rubbers going the way of the Bulldogs it was still mathematically possible for either team to win when the number ones took to the court.

The Headband quickly made his mark on the game and any hope of the Hyphens winning quickly disappeared.

He brushed aside Zane ‘The Hyphen’ Lewin-Hoy and wild celebrations erupted on court.

Victory had been secured by The Bulldogs.

At his press conference, McBean was already looking to the future.

‘‘The Ace returns next competition and he better be worried, I’m better and fitter than ever,’’ McBean said.

‘‘If the AFL can have a public holiday before the grand final I think the day after squash finals should be given the same status.’’

Public holiday or not, it didn’t stop the Bulldogs celebrating their premiership into the late hours.

Congratulations to the winners of the individual awards.

The much-coveted spot for number one seed went to fashion guru Chad Parker.

Helen ‘The Greek Goddess’ signed autographs for her fans after receiving the number two seed award and the ever-regal Sally Littlewood took out the number three seed award.

— The Boaster

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